Mysterious Memories
I've carried with me the details of a recurring dream for as long as I can remember. Literally, as long as I can remember.
In the dream I am on an airplane. I know because there are rows of seats and a single aisle in the middle. The seats are paired in groups of two. The plane seems small and I can tell we are moving.
There are a few things that stand out greatly to me:
1. I am very young. I'm not sure how I know this, for I am seeing the dream through my own eyes. Therefore I can't actually see myself, but I am certain that I am a young child.
2. It is very bright. Unlike traditional airplane windows, there are huge windows. It seems as if the cabin itself is made of glass. There is light streaming through, illuminating everything in a very magical fashion.
3. Everything sounds distant. There are other people in the seats and they are all talking, but it sounds as if their voices have been slowed down and are far away. Think along the lines of how you sometimes see flashbacks handled in movies. This is, perhaps, the most powerful aspect of the dream that stands out the most.
That's basically the entire dream. Nothing grand happens. However, I have had the memory of this for a very very long time. I've carried the memory since my family lived in our house on Fall River Road, so at least 4 years old, but I've always believed I've had it even before that.
I've had people tell me how silly it is to think I have a memory from that young. Perhaps. But it has forever been with me. The imagery and sounds haunt me like a permanent ghost. It's stamped, inked, and imprinted. Eternally seen.
I truly believe that some dreams carry messages. Not all, but certainly some. There are some that I will always remember and some I will never be able to shake. And so, I've believed my entire life that this dream holds some important message for me. It must. It must be so important that it just won't go away, forcing me to see it over and over again, trying to tell me something.
I've looked up the meaning of the important aspects of my dream: airplane, light, childhood. I've had someone suggest that I might die in a plane crash, but I don't think so. The dream is so peaceful. Almost magical, really. The message has never seemed negative.
I recently booked a flight for Violet and I to fly to our new home in Washington state. I made the connection of my dream and the reality that is approaching for her in January. It got me to thinking about the details of my dream once again. I was lingering on the details of the real-life flight and thinking about the irony that it's stressing me out and yet, Violet won't even remember it. Then it hit me, is it possible? Is my dream... an actual memory?
I immediately bombarded my mother with questions. Did I ever fly on a plane when I was very young? The answer was no. I was thinking I could have confused some other form of public transportation with an airplane, due to the similar arrangement of seats and aisles. "What about a train?" I asked. Once again, the answer was no. A bus? No. We both paused in silence thinking. Then, my mother said, "Well, you did ride on the incline railway when we were in the mountains, but you were only about 10 months old."
Was it possible that my mind retained that moment? It made sense for a few reasons:
1. The incline railway had large windows, letting in lots of light.
2. There was one aisle and exactly two seats on each side.
3. This could explain why I thought the plane seemed short/small.
I mentioned that it was a recurring dream. I've believed that my whole life, but then when I started thinking about the last time I actually had to dream I couldn't remember. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember any specific time I had the dream.
All of this has me wondering if it was ever a dream at all. Is there some chance that my mind captured this moment so long ago and held onto it? That it has inhabited me ever since? Forever replaying it over and over in my mind like a ghost?
What is your earliest memory?
In the dream I am on an airplane. I know because there are rows of seats and a single aisle in the middle. The seats are paired in groups of two. The plane seems small and I can tell we are moving.
There are a few things that stand out greatly to me:
1. I am very young. I'm not sure how I know this, for I am seeing the dream through my own eyes. Therefore I can't actually see myself, but I am certain that I am a young child.
2. It is very bright. Unlike traditional airplane windows, there are huge windows. It seems as if the cabin itself is made of glass. There is light streaming through, illuminating everything in a very magical fashion.
3. Everything sounds distant. There are other people in the seats and they are all talking, but it sounds as if their voices have been slowed down and are far away. Think along the lines of how you sometimes see flashbacks handled in movies. This is, perhaps, the most powerful aspect of the dream that stands out the most.
That's basically the entire dream. Nothing grand happens. However, I have had the memory of this for a very very long time. I've carried the memory since my family lived in our house on Fall River Road, so at least 4 years old, but I've always believed I've had it even before that.
I've had people tell me how silly it is to think I have a memory from that young. Perhaps. But it has forever been with me. The imagery and sounds haunt me like a permanent ghost. It's stamped, inked, and imprinted. Eternally seen.
I truly believe that some dreams carry messages. Not all, but certainly some. There are some that I will always remember and some I will never be able to shake. And so, I've believed my entire life that this dream holds some important message for me. It must. It must be so important that it just won't go away, forcing me to see it over and over again, trying to tell me something.
I've looked up the meaning of the important aspects of my dream: airplane, light, childhood. I've had someone suggest that I might die in a plane crash, but I don't think so. The dream is so peaceful. Almost magical, really. The message has never seemed negative.
I recently booked a flight for Violet and I to fly to our new home in Washington state. I made the connection of my dream and the reality that is approaching for her in January. It got me to thinking about the details of my dream once again. I was lingering on the details of the real-life flight and thinking about the irony that it's stressing me out and yet, Violet won't even remember it. Then it hit me, is it possible? Is my dream... an actual memory?
I immediately bombarded my mother with questions. Did I ever fly on a plane when I was very young? The answer was no. I was thinking I could have confused some other form of public transportation with an airplane, due to the similar arrangement of seats and aisles. "What about a train?" I asked. Once again, the answer was no. A bus? No. We both paused in silence thinking. Then, my mother said, "Well, you did ride on the incline railway when we were in the mountains, but you were only about 10 months old."
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| A photo of the incline railway in Chattanooga |
1. The incline railway had large windows, letting in lots of light.
2. There was one aisle and exactly two seats on each side.
3. This could explain why I thought the plane seemed short/small.
I mentioned that it was a recurring dream. I've believed that my whole life, but then when I started thinking about the last time I actually had to dream I couldn't remember. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember any specific time I had the dream.
All of this has me wondering if it was ever a dream at all. Is there some chance that my mind captured this moment so long ago and held onto it? That it has inhabited me ever since? Forever replaying it over and over in my mind like a ghost?
What is your earliest memory?
I miss our talks about dreams in our long late night car rides that really took us no where except to where we started. I still have my dream book and every time I have a dream that I can't forget I look it up and think of you. Good times. I love reading your blog and I'm in love with your child even though I have never met her. I feel I know her through you. Saw your mom a while back and caught up with her while shopping at the dollar general :)
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