Ashworth Alcove

Back in December I entered an essay contest. The prize - A 42 acre farm in Tennesssee. In my hometown, no less. The winner would be contacted on Christmas Eve. I went over the scenario in my head... What receiving that call on Christmas Eve would feel like. I longed for it. Unfortunately, per the contest rules, they did not receive enough entries. They refunded the entry fees and now I'm left with this non-winning essay. This was the first essay I had written in a few years. It was a challenging one, because the stakes were high. Nothing came of it, but even so, I am glad I took the time to write it. Fun fact: Contest rules stated there was 500 word maximum. My word count? 500. Nurturing the Flame     Every individual has something special that brings him or her joy. It is a flame within us. It is heart-warming and nourishes our soul. My flame is Tennessee. I have a yearning that is quenched only by the simple wonderments of a country life there. As a child ...

Every so often I find myself slipping down into my muddy hole. I just can't get any traction to climb back up. Some days I'll give a weak try, only for my foot to slip. I just slide right back down into the muddy hole I know well. So most days I don't even bother trying to get out. I just get comfortable there in the hole, which is detrimental on many levels. The muddy hole is depression. Famously, Winston Churchill referred to his depression as “the black dog.” Sitting on his lap, it haunted him. It's the perfect metaphor. However, I actually have a real life black dog so that one doesn't work as well for me. My relationship with this foe began with anxiety. Over time it morphed. I was the cocoon - a vessel for anxiety to live within. Within the cocoon existed the perfect environment for the anxiety to transform. It hibernated, then contorted itself just before emerging as depression. I say emerged because the depression transcends beyond me. The depression i...

There are some people who enter your life to enrich it. To bestow some magic upon an ordinary day, or in this case just an ordinary moment. I recently met someone new. A potential design client that I stumbled upon in a serendipitous way. She was sitting at a small outdoor table on the town square eating lunch and taking a break from renovating her upcoming business. Before I ever spoke to her, I noticed her and her family eating together. Their table was covered with plates upon plates of fresh fruit and pastries. She was drinking coffee from a dainty antique teacup. She was wearing a floral apron. I liked it instantaneously. She's just one of those. At first I walked by them and went into another store, but I couldn't stop thinking about her. I wanted to meet her. I had heard about her new business - a coffee shop type place that also offers some baking lessons. After making my rounds around the square I gathered some courage, walked over, and introduced myself. I...

People strive for normalcy. The state of being usual. Things are typical and expected. Life is funny in that way. People think they are spontaneous when they decide to go out unexpectedly, when they say yes to an offer to have drinks on a Wednesday night, when they do something that's not normal. When they break free from the daily round. But really, they're still living in normalcy. They come home to the same home, with the same stuff in the same places. They turn on the same roads, they eat at the same restaurants.They do this for years, their whole life even. People take this for granted. People take normalcy for granted. At times I long for normalcy. You see, many aspects of my life are temporary. Our homes are always temporary, and I'm not talking like the Carrie Underwood song about our "temporary home" here on earth or whatever. No, I'm saying that our literal houses are always temporary. Does it sound silly that all I really wan...

The 'R' word. I've been internally battling with myself on whether or not I should share my thoughts on the subject of religion. I know doing so will make me vulnerable to judgement and attack. I know most of my readers won't be able to relate. I know it's not what many of you want to hear. However, I've decided to say what I have to say for two reasons. 1.) This is who I am and I'm tired of omitting this part of myself to preserve the comfort of others. 2.) One time someone confided in me their true beliefs and I felt comforted in not being alone. Perhaps, this post will comfort someone out there who has felt shamed into silence. If you are easily offended regarding your religious beliefs, then you won’t enjoy this. If you are already thinking of rebuttals to defend your beliefs, then kindly ignore my existence in its entirety. I’ve heard it all.   I am not a Christian.  I was recently questioned as to exactly how I came to believe what I believe. Thi...

New Years. An ending point. A starting point. I've been going through a phase of reflection. Not just because it is the end of a year and the start of a new one, but because it is needed. I've been thinking about everything that has happened and how I've changed. In less than a week we will be moving across the country. I feel the need to evaluate before I move into this new phase of life. For a number of reasons, 2013 has been tough for me. Nothing particularly sad or shocking, just life. Busy life. Life-changing life. Having a baby changes everything. At times I think that I haven't handled it very gracefully, then other times I think it's normal and it's just that nobody talks about it. I've internally mourned the loss of freedom. I don't like to talk about it because it makes me feel like a bad mother. It makes me feel guilty. Adjusting hasn't been super easy. Saying things like this may make me sound selfish, or even regretful. But if it...

I've carried with me the details of a recurring dream for as long as I can remember. Literally, as long as I can remember. In the dream I am on an airplane. I know because there are rows of seats and a single aisle in the middle. The seats are paired in groups of two. The plane seems small and I can tell we are moving. There are a few things that stand out greatly to me: 1. I am very young. I'm not sure how I know this, for I am seeing the dream through my own eyes. Therefore I can't actually see myself, but I am certain that I am a young child. 2. It is very bright. Unlike traditional airplane windows, there are huge windows. It seems as if the cabin itself is made of glass. There is light streaming through, illuminating everything in a very magical fashion. 3. Everything sounds distant. There are other people in the seats and they are all talking, but it sounds as if their voices have been slowed down and are far away. Think along the lines of how you sometimes see...

  The above photograph was taken on my fourth birthday. I had the chicken pox, so the only people who could attend my party were people who had already had them. Obviously, Barney had the chicken pox before me. My twenty-fourth birthday didn't have Barney balloons (but there was ice cream cake!), but it was equally as enjoyable. I spent the day lounging with my family before making a trip to David Crockett State Park. Highlights of the day: - Violet sleeping 20 minutes later than usual (me sleeping 20 minutes later than usual) - Waking up to a birthday serenade voicemail - Pulling the birthday card to eat an extra biscuit at breakfast - My nephew coming to visit in a dragon costume - Violet's shoe falling off (being kicked off) into the waterfall at the park - Seeing a lobster in the creek - no, it was not a crawdad, it was huge and it was a lobster - A gift certificate for a one hour massage (see next paragraph regarding mom knees) - A surprise birthday cake, co...

I recently found this "bucket list" (I hate that term). I wrote it a few years ago. Maybe 4? Some of the things on this list are big. Like climb Mt. Everest. Whaaaaaa. Then some are small. Like get a bonsai tree. As I was reading over it I was able to mentally mark off several things that I've already accomplished. And I'm not going to lie... It felt really good.  Ride in a hot air balloon Ride in a motorcycle side car Catch a fish Visit all 50 states Go to Europe Go up the Eiffel Tower Karaoke Visit a Renaissance Fair Witness a solar eclipse Complete a marathon Take music lessons Take a dance class Go scuba diving Go white water rafting Go skiing Go on a submarine Go surfing Zip line Go camping (real camping) Climb Mt. Everest Go paint balling Watch a rocket launch live Go on a safari Name a star Visit Rockefeller Center in NYC at Christmas Get my BS in a field of art (by far the best feeling I've ever had crossing something out) ...

I reactivated my Facebook this week as an experimental attempt to see how I feel about it after my vacation. I have to admit that I am incredibly underwhelmed by it. I think I also had lousy timing with it, in light of the recent Connecticut school shooting. I have really mixed feelings about some of the posts that I see regarding it. I will begin by saying that I, just as much as anyone, view this as a horrific tragedy. It honestly makes me question humanity altogether. My heart is broken for the family of each child, educator, and even the family of the shooter. Now, with that said, I have really mingled emotions about some of the attention placed on this terrible situation by the media and social networking. I had a long conversation with someone this week about the world we live in now and how it has changed from times past. There has been an obvious increase in violence around the world, including crazed shootings on innocent people. What the hell is going on? Why are acts like ...

Summer is over. It's ended. Goodbye. Why does everyone like summer anyway? It's hot and miserable and it lasts WAY too long. I'm not going to miss you summer. You're a punk. Fall is way better. It comes around every year and steals your thunder. "Oh, here I am... In a cute cardigan with a mug of coffee. BYE" Bye, indeed. Fall has been hands down my favorite season for as long as I can remember. I've been contemplating the reasons why lately and I thought of something one of my favorite instructors from the Art Institute said once. We were discussing seasons and I mentioned that fall was my favorite and he said, "Of course it is... You're an artist." Many creative types are known for their attraction to fall and winter. But why? For me, I think it stems from the very beginning. I was born in October. Growing up I had fall birthday parties that included hayrides, bonfires, costumes, and pumpkin carving. So, it's always be...