Violet is Here!

I thought I would share the story of Violet's birth while it's still fresh in my mind (and while she's sleeping). My last blog post was made on my due date and I was still waiting for a sign that she would be coming soon. A few days later on Thursday, May 9 I started having real contractions. They didn't hurt (yet), but they sure did keep me up all night that night. So the next day was Friday and the contractions were still persisting. They had grown more frequent, but still weren't very painful - just a powerful tightening sensation. I started timing them and they were 4-5 minutes apart, so we decided to go into the hospital to let them monitor me and see what was going on. We left disappointed. The contractions were happening, but I wasn't progressing. I was still just 1 cm dilated.

My mom, dad and sister decided to come down to Fort Rucker that night. After all, it was the weekend. Friday night was another sleepless night and by Saturday morning my contractions were quite painful. So Ben's mom came down on Saturday and the real waiting game began. The whole family hung out together that day, went for a walk, had a nice dinner (thanks Mama and Susan!). Heck, I even went for a swing at the children's playground in our neighborhood. By Saturday night I couldn't walk and talk through the contractions, but I refused to go to the hospital to get sent home again. After going two nights with no sleep, I decided to try to get some rest. Ben and I laid down in bed at around 11:45 pm. We talked casually, clicked through tv channels, he rubbed my back - And then suddenly this strange feeling came over me. I said to Ben, "I feel a little sick." Then about three seconds later - POP. My water broke. From this point on everything really speeds up and parts of the night are just mushed together for me. As soon as my water broke I looked at the clock to see what time it was and it was midnight exactly. Mother's Day!

My family had everything (and everyone) in the car and ready to go in about five minutes flat. We raced to the hospital, which is about 40 minutes away. We made it in 25. Over the course of the car ride my contractions became very powerful. Upon arrival I signed all the necessary paperwork (between contractions) and was placed in a room to be monitored. It seemed ridiculous in the moment because I was clearly in labor and just wanted to be admitted to my room. By the time the doctor came in to see me my contractions were one on top of the other, with little to no breaks in between. The nurses thought for sure it was nearly time to push. The doctor checked me and to everyone's surprise I was only 4 cm dilated. Even the doctor looked a little confused. The frequency and intensity of my contractions suggested it was nearly time, but my body was just not ready.

It was at this time I had a tinge of worry. Something seemed a bit off. It was my third night without sleep. That, on top of relentless contractions made for a bad situation. While being monitored a bit longer my body became so utterly exhausted that I could barely lift my legs to get up. I reluctantly agreed to a "light epidural." Just enough for me to try to get some rest before it was time to push. I told the anesthesiologist I wanted to be able to feel the sensation of my contractions, as well as the sensations to push. He gave me exactly what I asked for. I was able to relax, but unfortunately... Not any real sleep. I just couldn't sleep knowing that I was finally about to meet Violet. The epidural turned out to be both a good and bad thing for me. It helped me relax, but it really slowed my labor down. In fact, it made it come to a grinding halt. After waiting as long as the doctor felt comfortable for things to get going again, I finally had to agree to a "wisp" of Pitocin. 

My family drifted in and out of naps and waited patiently. My body tends to be hyper-sensitive to medication and the epidural and Pitocin were no exceptions. Within a couple of hours of receiving the Pitocin I was fully dilated and ready to go. When it was time to push the energy shifted from restless snoozing to pure excitement and anticipation. I started pushing and for the first 20 minutes or so was getting lots of great feedback like, "You're moving her down!" and "She's not far now!" Then after 45 minutes or so the nurse's attitude changed a bit. She was no longer telling me that Violet was getting any closer. After a straight hour of pushing the doctor came in and said that Violet's head still hadn't passed the pelvic opening. He mumbled something about the possibility of a c-section, but said I could try for another hour if I wanted. So I settled in for another hour of pushing. Towards the end I had absolutely nothing left. I felt like I could barely speak and when the doctor came back in I had my fingers crossed that we had made progress this time. Nothing. Zero. Zilch.

Despite my hardest efforts (literally, the hardest I have ever worked in my life) Violet had not budged. I felt everyone in the room grow very serious. The doctor looked me right in the face and told me it was time for me to have a c-section. I didn't respond for several minutes. I looked around the room at the faces of each of my family members and I knew that everyone else had already accepted it long before me.

I have to be honest, I was truly disappointed in myself. I had given into the epidural, which I hadn't planned on getting. And now... A c-section? It didn't feel real. No where in my mind had I ever imagined I would not be able to deliver naturally. My grandmother had eight children and my mother two. All had great pregnancies, labors, and deliveries with no complications. I mean, I have "child-bearing" hips! After I finally agreed, the room filled with new faces. New nurses and the anesthesiologist shuffled in and were busy preparing for surgery. I was in an altered state of mind. Ben stayed by my side and all I can remember is him telling me how proud he was of me and that none of it mattered because we were finally going to meet Violet.

The anesthesiologist told me I would feel a cold sensation where my epidural was (I did) and before I knew it I could barely hold my eyes open. I remember being wheeled back to the operating room and panicking internally because I was so sleepy and near unconsciousness that I actually mumbled to my nurse that I was going to miss it all. They eased up on the the medication a bit and I became slightly more aware of my surroundings as my sister and Ben came in wide-eyed and festooned in blue hospital gear.

I didn't feel a thing throughout the procedure. My nurse told me that I would feel a tug as they were about to pull her out, but I didn't even feel that. She said, "They're about to take her head out right--" And she was immediately cut off by the sound of crying. Tears flooded my eyes and there was no controlling them. She was here.

The moment I first heard her cry

I only caught a glimpse of her at first as they were checking to make sure she was healthy and had no complications. I turned my head to the side and was able to watch Ben help clean her up and take her footprints. There was a comment made about crazy feet and I thought for sure she had 11 toes or something. Turns out, she just has long toes and she's really good at spreading them apart. Next, they weighed her and the screen read 8 lb. 10 oz. and the nurse announced that she was 21 inches long. As stated in my last post before she was born... 

"Everyone thought she was a boy. Nope.
Everyone thought she would come in April. Nope.
Everyone thinks she's going to be smallish. I should probably be worried."

The doctor came around the sheet and told me that everything went fine and that they were working on finishing me up. He said that Violet would have never fit through my pelvis and to rest assured that I did the right thing. After they finished me up and was about to wheel me out of the room the nurse placed Violet on my chest and she began nursing almost immediately. We made the journey back down the hallway and back into my room where my family was anxiously waiting to meet her.

We stayed at the hospital for two days. Violet was healthy and happy. The recovery was pretty hard on my body. Getting around and even setting up in bed was extremely difficult for me. But my beautiful baby made any discomfort seem like an afterthought. Most of my family wasn't able to be there, but they made me feel so special by sending Violet and I flowers to our room.

I am so thankful for the family that was able to be there with me through this experience. My mom, dad, sister, mother-in-law, and my sweet husband. I'm so happy you were all able to share in Violet's arrival with me. In many ways, I feel like I wouldn't have been able to do it without you.

Everyone went home the day after Violet was born, except my mom. She stayed with Ben and I for a week and helped around the house. We couldn't have done it without her, seeing as I was pretty much incapable of doing anything but nursing her. The first week was a hard recovery, but after about day eight or nine things started picking back up again. Violet is two and a half weeks old now and it already feels like that time has flown by. Everything in our lives has shifted. There’s life before Violet, and life as it is now. Sleep deprived, yes. But it’s true what they say – I never knew a love like this existed. It’s a love that, despite being so big already, continues to grow with each tiny smile. I literally just stare at her and wonder how I can love someone so much.

Violet Eliza, you may be tiny, but you are my world.